Taken From My Tiniest Diary

Someday, in case you start to doubt anything about me or this weird relationship, or choose to forget this kind of magic really happened between us, or just to kill the time in your precious moment of solitude, please read these words with the utmost sincerity though mine isn’t as good as yours. This is all about my ordinary stories in one randomly day since I started doing this lovely connection with you. Actually, I don’t really like to share my secrets with you virtually, but what else I can do now?

(Page 312-402)

It started in the morning when I woke up early than any other days before I met you. I never woke up at 3:00 AM except there were some important things to do like finishing homeworks, or preparing home made lunch box when I thought the money couldn’t save my life till the last day of the month. But back then, I didn’t know why suddenly my tired eyes opened and I just did nothing. I stared the pink wall out without any purpose, still tried to remember what was the last part of my dream. Then I smiled because out of nowhere your handsome face slowly showed up, really made me blushed quickly. I couldn’t stop myself to keep imagining some beautiful stories with you in the future. And that was how I often forgot about the killer morning lecture, so I went late to class regularly.

In the afternoon, I always felt anxious when I was walking in your comfort area because I realized there were so many opportunities to meet you coincidentally. I did want to see you and maybe made a move to say hello first but I didn’t want to look ugly in front of you because I knew that I wasn’t pretty enough to make a good impression. So, I decided to never go there much less to sit without bought some foods. Your words about me before were right, the opinions that I was too afraid to love and rambled too much about anything. But I guessed you didn’t know the facts about; I never forgot to think about you in every slightest second of a hectic day, nor I didn’t remember exactly how much I touched my phone just to stalk if there was any news from you. I was crazy about all the small details in those poems which I could correlate with mine. And to hide the great excitements from my friends, I always acted gloomy in every single way. They started to worry then kindly told me to be happy always. Surely I’d do, even they didn’t ask.

And in the night, I thought more deeply about you. I tried to figure out all the things that made you sad nor mad. I tried to feel all the pains that came from your darkest past so I could find the best healer then brought it to you. I wanted you to know that I didn’t mind to give all my happiness for you. I also wanted to be a girl who could hurt you so badly then made you cry endlessly in a long road of desperations. I’d feel very happy because I knew that you really loved me madly. But I wondered again if I was right or wrong. I finally decided that it was better to be happy than to be sad. I desired to make you happy no matter how hard it would be. I wanted us to be happy together. Then lately, I could feel that some tiny things inside me constantly moved around, they had been biggering and started to burst out, strongly pounded against all my dignities. I was afraid again of making some mistakes unconsciously and failed to impress you in the classy ways. So, I didn’t want to look cheesy to confess easily that probably I was so-very-damn-really-great-extra-super-duper-mega-hyper-ultra-to the max-to the moon and back-to the pluto and back-to the heaven but not back-truly in love with you.

Oh, almost forgot to tell you that I always did pray to God in the most silent way before my own eyes closed, so you could sleep easily in your lonely nights, so you were not sad anymore, so you could be stronger than ever, so you could find your true self, so you could make this world full of peace, so you could embrace all the things you loved, so you could chase your hardest dream, so you could always be happy with or without me.

See you, my favorite stranger.

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